Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
