Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
