someone owes me an orgasm
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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