I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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