Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
