Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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