Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
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He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
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Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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