just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
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Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
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you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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