Texts From Last Night

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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying

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  (814): He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying http://tfl.nu/diyu
  Replies (28) Good night (12346) Bad night (770)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined

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  (609): I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined http://tfl.nu/fupt
  Replies (19) Good night (4953) Bad night (1376)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop

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  (720): I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop http://tfl.nu/llg8
  Replies (36) Good night (6016) Bad night (1884)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.

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  (715): Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar. http://tfl.nu/6xi2
  Replies (1) Good night (3632) Bad night (1075)
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  (514): View more from Quebec

  Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?

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  (514): Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene? http://tfl.nu/zsme
  Replies (3) Good night (1132) Bad night (3014)
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  (585): View more from New York

  Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there

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  (585): Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there http://tfl.nu/9lof
  Replies (12) Good night (5306) Bad night (1289)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.

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  (970): I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting. http://tfl.nu/e4bo
  Replies (11) Good night (982) Bad night (2567)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.

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  (706): The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina. http://tfl.nu/6jcd
  Replies (10) Good night (2490) Bad night (772)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees

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  (208): dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees http://tfl.nu/cqup
  Replies (7) Good night (980) Bad night (1641)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.

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  (604): You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement. http://tfl.nu/pi1i
  Replies (2) Good night (1151) Bad night (417)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.

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  (781): I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups. http://tfl.nu/fsmw
  Replies (1) Good night (373) Bad night (566)
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  (225): View more from Louisiana

  I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.

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  (225): I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you. http://tfl.nu/gxsp
  Replies (1) Good night (426) Bad night (611)
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place

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  (647): My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place http://tfl.nu/nehb
  Replies (3) Good night (550) Bad night (639)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.

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  (203): She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle. http://tfl.nu/9n9g
  Replies (5) Good night (1202) Bad night (342)
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  (251): View more from Alabama

  We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.

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  (251): We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again. http://tfl.nu/c4bs
  Replies (0) Good night (682) Bad night (182)

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