the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.