Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
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Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!