They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
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and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
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She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.