a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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