I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.