Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
