Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(925): View more from California

They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.

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(386): View more from Florida

Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...

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(407): View more from Florida

Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.

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(862): View more from New Jersey

Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside

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21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Read it at the TFLN blog
(518): View more from New York

and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis

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(302): View more from Delaware

He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.

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(806): View more from Texas

Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.

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(720): View more from Colorado

I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos

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(310): View more from California

I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.

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