When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
