Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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