did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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