so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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