I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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