no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
