The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
