i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Randomize
