you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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