bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
