Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Let the clothes fall where they may.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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