What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Randomize
