ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
