So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
