I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
