You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
