Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
