you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
