You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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