and my herpes radar will keep us safe
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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