If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize