she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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