You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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