So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
