I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
