Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
