I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
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Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
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Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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