his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
