Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
