My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Randomize
