I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
