people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
