Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
