I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
