Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
