like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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