I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
