Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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