now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
