Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Randomize
