She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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