i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
