i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
