I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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