We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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