I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize