will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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