He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
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I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
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Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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