She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
