so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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