He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
