is your mom at the bar?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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