Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i barfeds in our rink
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
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They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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