You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
