He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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