They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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