god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Randomize
