Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
