I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
