we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
