I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
