worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
