The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
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Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
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Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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