Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
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He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
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Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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