the condom got lost in my hair
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
