Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
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I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
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I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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