bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
