the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Randomize
