True but thats because hes a fetus.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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