wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
