i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
